Lifestyle Choice

Wow. This one kinda almost needs no words. So here goes a picture:


That's right... your favorite television motorcycle douchebag is bringing his unique fashion sense directly to the checkbooks of Los Angeles Kings Fans. Half Season Ticket Holder Buddy brought this to my attention early this afternoon... and the news hit us harder than Ryan Smyth being out for a month. This new venture is described as "Kings-specific lifestyle clothing."

That ain't no lifestyle I want to be a part of.

It looks like Christian Audigier took a shit on the NHL catalog. And what exactly is a "Kings-specific lifestyle?" Does this lifestyle include spending 1000 plus dollars a year on season seats only to miss the playoffs for 7 straight years? Does my Kings lifestyle include trading deadline acquisitions that don't score any goals in the 11 games they play for the Kings? If anything, the Kings lifestyle... is the lifestyle of a loser. What sort of lifestyle would have you buy the jersey of your favorite player only to watch him leave the Kings the next season?

This jersey is a gateway to a lifestyle you don't wanna know about.

As Half Season Ticket Holder Buddy always says... "Lifestyle specific clothing is also known as clothing (specifically too expensive for your lifestyle)." Me and Half Season Ticket Holder Buddy aren't "jersey guys." We wear at the most a Kings hat to each of our games. And you know what? We don't feel like any less of a passionate Kings fan. I have a handful of Kings t-shirts and sweatshirts and they are mainly worn for lounging around the house. Not for my Kings-specific lifestyle of hitting da clubs up at night.

Go Kings Go!

I don't want to completely bad mouth Jesse James and his ridiculous line of clothing. After all, he's a pretty dedicated Kings fan himself and having a celebrity with as big a following as he has (however misguided) be this involved with Kings marketing can only be a positive for the franchise. But maybe the Kings could have considered a few alternative designers that might appeal to a different type of Kings fan. Like the very popular Isaac Mizrahi?


Or maybe even uber-housewares designer Jonathan Adler?

Now this is a Kings lifestyle that this hockey-loving design-snob can get behind!

And everyone knows that First Ladies are always a source of inspiration in terms of fashion for the American public.

Yes we can. Make the playoffs.

I don't mean to say that all of Jesse James' new line is crap. One is actually kind of cool.

Ok, I'll admit it. I'd buy this.

But the rest of the clothes? Well look for yourself.

What the hell does "Little Stick, Big Goal" even mean?
It's like a reject from the Big Johnson pile.

Yes, that does say "Pucker Up"
Even James O'Brien, the NHL's Official Pun Commissioner would hate this.

So even though the Kings got rid of their old black and white jerseys some 10 years ago, we are once again back to where we once were as franchise... looking like a bunch of Raider fans. But maybe this new line of Kings-specific lifestyle clothing is a new chapter in the long history of failure by the Los Angeles Kings. Maybe, just maybe the new Kings lifestyle... is one of a winner?

See What Develops

Some might say that I'm a bit obsessed with the various advertising campaigns of the Los Angeles Kings. But this kind of obsession is what sets The Royal Half apart from the hundreds upon thousands of Kings blogs that are out there. Some blogs out there may want to breakdown faceoff percentage or get interviews with well-respected members of the Kings family... not me, I just like it when a on-air graphic goes screwy.

So when I noticed that Fox Sports West HD has created a new ad campaign for their Kings broadcasts this season... I was surprised to find out that it actually is kinda good...

Sure, this ad invokes the little-know Einstein equation of Pride=Passion=Power that the Kings have been using in their marketing over the last 2 years, but the tagline of "See What Develops" just might be the best LA Kings-related marketing phrase I've heard in the last 10 years.

Get it? Like a photograph. Developing.

As a Half-Season Ticket Holder for the last 7 years, all of which have been playoff free, I've been waiting quite some time to see what develops. And it finally is, at least through the first 5 games of this young NHL season. With the patient leadership of Dean Lombardi and the incredibly smart switch of ditching Marc Crawford for Terry Murray... Kings fans that have been waiting for something, anything positive from their favorite hockey team over the past few years are finally starting to be rewarded. And with the Kings in NYC tonight in the midst of a 6 game road trip, it's the perfect time for the spotlight of the NHL and the mainstream media to be focused on what's going on in Los Angeles. And it seems like the Kings have caught their attention... I mean just take a look at all the rankings, courtesy of Life in Hockeywood.


Are the Kings going to beat the Rangers and Red Wings in back-to-back games? Probably not. A successful season is not built upon going 71-1. It's about consistency and quality of play maintained over the course of the entire season. These Kings are going to slow down eventually... they might even lose a few in row at one point, and us Kings bloggers will say it's all over... and then the Kings will grab a playoff spot and we'll say we knew it all along.

But for the first time in a LONG while... I can't wait to see what develops with every single minute of Los Angeles Kings action.

The Passion of the Drew

The passion... to pass the puck off the boards... not up the middle of the ice.

Hopefully the Kings will regain their passion tonight versus the San Jose Sharks. And as ridiculous as it is for Kings fans to think the season is over after one game... it's even more absurd to think the Coyotes are playoff bound after one game.

Ad Wizards

With the start of a new NHL season rapidly approaching, the ad wizards of AEG have taken to the streets to sell this product known as "the 2009-2010 Los Angeles Kings." It looks like we are entering year 2 of the relatively unknown Einstein equation "Pride=Passion=Power." At least they are sticking with it for more than one year in a row... anyone remember the multitude of slogans the team has had over the past few years? Serious Hockey. Play Hard. We Play For LA. We are the Kings. Kings Rule.




As Don Draper would say, there is truth in advertising. AEG should just be honest and have the tagline "this could possibly/maybe/better be the year... that we make the playoffs."

This is the closest image I could find to Don Draper on ice.

Over the past few weeks I've noticed more and more ads around Los Angeles for the Kings. The Kings may be a small time ticket in the big LA Sports market... but that doesn't mean that can't afford one of them fancy electronic billboard thingys.

Look ma! We on TV! Kinda.

What's that you say? Getting hit by Jack Johnson is like having a bus run over you? Well now's your chance!

Look, I'm sorry my iphone doesn't have a zoom.
But trust me, it's freakin' Jack Johnson on the back of a bus.

Jack Johnson is starting to blow up as a marketable player. Check out this commercial that he appears in for a millisecond. But he's rockin' the old school crown.

It's like when J.S. Aubin was in that AMP commercial a few years ago. What marketing executive is sitting around and says "GET ME JACK JOHNSON AND GET HIM NOW!"

But then yesterday, I was driving in Silverlake on Santa Monica Blvd and I saw this on the side of a building:


Now that is a cool fucking poster. That is a poster I would want for myself. Even if they did have to lighten up Kopitar's tinted visor. (Yeah, that's right, your most marketable player basically wears sunglasses every game. Really helpful for selling identity.)

Ugh, you are always covering your eyes. You have such beautiful eyes!

Oh, and of course. In true Hollywood fashion, the Kings are "launching" a new commercial on Monday for the upcoming season. And in true self-absorbed Hollywood fashion... they created a behind-the-scenes for the commercial.

Sadly, this isn't even the best commercial in the Pacific Division. That honor comes from our rivals up north... the San Jose Sharks.

I'm off for a little R&R for 5 days to a far away land where hockey and hockey coverage does not exist. So hopefully nothing crazy will be going on with the Kings till I get back next Wednesday, like them trading Doughty or Oscar Moller and Raitis Ivanans getting into a fight.

Don't Call it a Comeback

Earlier this morning, I received an email from the Los Angeles Kings with the subject heading "Be Part of the Comeback" and the email contained this image:

So I clicked on the image and it took me to a site where it asked for my name and my phone number. I entered in the info and then this movie began to play:

So let's think about this for a second. Here is an new ad campaign for the Kings looking to bring on some more season ticket holders... based on the concept of the "Comeback." This concept is that a team has put itself into a 3-4 goal deficit and are fighting back to tie (or lose in a shootout... like the Kings did last season in these situations.) So this campaign wants you to get excited about a team that gets out of the gate poorly at the start of a game... but finishes kinda strong! Where do I sign up to buy tickets!!! I'm not sure if this is the exact message I'd like to be portraying to my fans. I'm pretty sure the Detroit Red Wings campaign is "We score first and win!"

Also, I love getting these emails and phones calls after Half Season Ticket Holder Buddy and I have already put down our deposits for the upcoming season. (That's right, we are gluttons for an 8th season of punishment!) You think the Kings would have some sort of database that lets them know who is getting tickets and who needs to be romanced by the sweet tones of Dustin Brown's voice. My favorite part of the video... when Anze Kopitar is just casually cleaning the visor on his helmet while Brown is talking on the phone. What a method actor. And I love how they shot Brown over the shoulder on the phone... so he could read the lines off the paper in his hands.

DRAFT/CRAZY FUCKING TRADE UPDATE:
Nothing as of yet. And all of the so called actual hockey bloggers are predicting that the Kings won't be making a big move tonight. Half Season Ticket Holder Buddy and I will be watching the draft together live over Slingbox... so I'll be sure to update. In the meantime... the biggest scoop of the day comes over at Battle of California. Enjoy.

Think Wild and Win!

I'm still out on the east coast and this is what I missed on Saturday.

Anze Kopitar's Dance Party USA!

Kings 4, Wild 3

So I missed another chance to see the Los Angeles Kings continue their total NHL dominance in the Justin Williams Era (2-0!) with an important victory over the Minnesota Wild. This team is so bi-polar... or maybe us fans just are. But now the Kings are only 5 points out of that elusive 8th seed again... and looking strong. Plus, Dean Lombardi has Justin Williams as a possible wildcard to help this team if they continue to stay close in the 8th seed pack. I have to stop declaring this team out of the playoff race... even though they are hanging by a snapped Justin Williams tendon.

I was holed up in my hotel room watching the game internet streaming style with a combination of Slingbox and illegally broadcast NHL games.

This is when my connection was bad.

This is when my connection was good.

Definitely not as good as seeing some Moller-Quick man-love in person at Staples...

Quick and Moller take their role in promotion for the
new Dreamworks film "I Love You, Man" a bit too seriously.

Speaking of Wunderkid, Franchise-Saving Goaltender Jonathan Quick... man, the Kings promo department sure is going all in on this one, huh?

Get it? Think QUICK!

As Half Season Ticket Holder Buddy told me, it's too bad that Don Biggs no longer plays in the NHL. I suggested that the Kings pick up former Avalanche goaltender Phillippe Sauve as a backup so the Kings Promo Department could go full "Think Quick and Sauve!" At least the Kings now have a goaltender worth featuring in their ad campaigns. Think of all the failed ticket sales campaigns that the Kings have had from the past:

Storr Now for Savings!
The Cristo-bal shows great ticket savings!
The Playoff Checkmanek is in the Mail!

These Ticket Prices will make you LOLBarbera!

Yeah, I'm pretty sure the Kings Promo Department is excited to have a player named Quick. It just writes itself.

ALSO: For the Wild perspective on this game, be sure to check out the awesome Wild blog at 18,568 Reasons Why. I guess we can stop apologizing to Wild Fans for stealing Patrick O'Sullivan.

Hockey Harmonize

Most of the time, when I'm watching the Los Angeles Kings broadcast on Fox Sports West... I'll fast forward through the commercials. This is the Tivo world we live in. I don't watch hockey games live... I wait 20 minutes, an hour, even until the end of the night before I sit down to watch so I can speed through anything during a game that isn't necessary (except for a Heidi Androl interview, those are always necessary). But tonight, during the Kings-Blackhawks broadcast on FSW... I was fast forwarding through a commercial... and I had to stop. I rewound and watched the commercial. And then I immediately rewound and watched it a 2nd time.

I am the EXACT person this eHarmony.com ad is looking for. I love the sport of hockey. I play the sport of hockey. And I've gone out on a shit ton of internet dates. And while I might be the exact person this ad is speaking to... how large of a demographic did they think they would be catching with this hockey themed internet dating ad?

Were a bunch of ad exec's excited about their pitch to eHarmony... "you see, your site is missing out on the coveted playoff-run, hockey trading deadline, game watching demo. These are men who have an incredible infatuation with a almost niche sport in the United States. Our studies show that we are targeting a group who would rather spend their Saturday nights watching Hockey Night in Canada on the Center Ice Package then go out on a date. So, if we can sell them that eHarmony.com IS the #1 internet dating destination for hockey fans... then you are looking at bringing in at least another 1000 people to the site. At least."

eHarmony.com. Because this could be the man of your dreams.

Other rejected hockey euphemisms from an early cut of this ad:

I put the biscuit in the basket.
We've made a Power Play for each other.
She'll only snap my stick, not my heart.
2 on 1.
Tweeners.
Slot.
Faceoff dots.

From my internet dating experience, eHarmony.com is the site you go to when you are looking to get married in the next 3 months or so (unless you happen to be a gay). I'm not sure it may be the best internet dating destination for the typical hard-loving, hard-drinking Boston Bruin fan. But who needs a 2 for 1 ticket special with parking, hot dogs and nachos when this could be running at your local arena?

Nothing screams hockey like "we match you based on compatibility."

Think of the potential cross promotion eharmony.com and the NHL could have... the eHarmony.com Goal Cam. The eHarmony.com Winter Classic. The NHL Network and eHarmony.com presents "The Hockey Bachelor" with Sidney Crosby. It just works!

Tanya...will you accept this puck?

And like everything else in the world... there is a forum set up at eHarmony for hockey fans. And since the hockey season has been so exciting, no one has had a chance to post since January 17th. They are probably too busy playing NHL '09.

Look, I know that it's hard for all of us to find that perfect match in our lives. That person who doesn't mind the smell of your sweaty hockey gear in the apartment. Who doesn't care when you throw the remote at the tv when your team loses to Columbus in overtime. Who thinks it's cute that you have a hockey blog. And maybe... just maybe... eHarmony.com will help thousands of NHL hockey fans find that person. But probably not.