Monday, March 9, 2009

Tossing Cookies

Since I was unable to go to last Saturday's Los Angeles Kings victory over the Minnesota Wild, Half Season Ticket Holder Buddy brought our good friend and lifelong New Jersey Devils fan (and ardent supporter of the Charlotte Checkers), Brian, to the game. And since Brian is one of the funniest writers I know (plus he actually gets paid for it) I invited him to do the "First Ever Royal Half Guest Blog!" Take it away, Brian!

I want to warn all of you looking for an in-depth analysis of the game from the perspective of someone sitting in the Staples Center, then you’re looking for the wrong guy. To paraphrase Sally Field – I like hockey, I really, really like hockey, but I’m not as knowledgeable about the sport, or the Kings, as Mr. Kontos, Half Season Ticket Holder Buddy, or Barry Melrose. Any analysis of the game coming from me will sound like amateur hour.

This was a prototype 3rd jersey logo for the Ducks.

But luckily, yesterday, there was more than just hockey going on: There were Girl Scout Cookies for sale in the hallways!!! They’re the only cookies in the world that I would dump my fiancĂ©e for. Yes, people, I would marry a cookie if it were legal in California!!! Cookie lovers have rights, too!

With this cookie, I thee wed.

As I sat with Half Season Ticket Holder Buddy, I realized that that the ebb and flow of yesterday’s game was much like a Girl Scout Cookie selection. While I may not be an authority on hockey, I am an expert on Girl Scout Cookies (aka: Satan’s Biscuits).

So, I’ve created a system to rate the game based on Satan’s Biscuits:

A Box Of Do Si Dos = The “Honorable Mention” award. Based on the concept, this cookie should be amazing, but it leaves you a bit disappointed.

A Box of Thin Mints = The bronze. It’s a really good cookie, but unless you eat an entire sleeve of them, they’re unsatisfying.

A Box of Samoas = The Silver. This one had a shot at going for the gold, but it’s covered in coconut, and that’s just weird. But I can overlook this slight flaw to enjoy it.

A Box of Tagalongs = “The Cookie of the Gods. I shall say no more.

So let’s break it down period by period.

1st Period:

After Thursday night’s explosive third period and overtime, the Kings could’ve come out flat, but instead seemed charged and ready to go. While the Kings should’ve taken a one-goal lead into the dressing room, they let the Wild score a tying goal in the final minutes of the period, swinging the momentum back a bit towards Lemaire and Co. The period may have ended in disappointing fashion, but overall, it was a decent start.
That’s why the first period deserves a box of: THIN MINTS

2nd Period:

Shut down the Wild offense: Check
Get a lead: Check
Extend lead further: Check
Cute, busty girls on skates cleaning the ice: Check
Only negative: No fight.
Sounds like an almost perfect period to me.
That’s why the second period deserves a box of: SAMOAS

3rd Period:

By allowing a 3rd goal to the Wild early in the period, the Kings shifted, and began playing not to lose. I hate that. As a NY Giants fan, I’ve seen this backfire all too many times, and it drives me NUTS. Sure the Kings clamped down on D after that goal, but it wasn’t really the same game they had playing in the first two periods. It was a little too close for comfort at the end.
That’s why the third period gets a box of: DO-SI-DOS


A win is a win. The game had potential for a four-point swing in the wrong direction, and luckily, the pendulum swung in the Kings’ way. The playoff picture may not be clear yet, but they’re still in the hunt, and that’s all you can ask for. They swept the Wild for the season, and that’s got to feel good.
That’s why this game earned a box of: TAGALONGS

Oh, and one final thing, Rangers Suck.

Thanks so much Brian! I have a feeling Brian might be able to do more guest posts here in the future! And a few weeks ago, Brian played a fierce game of Kingo and sent in his playing card:


jamestobrien said...

Oh, dear God no ... guest poster getting a guest poster on his blog? Should I be worried, proud or feeling guilty of spreading some sort of collaborative disease? Or none of the above?

jamestobrien said...

Also, Tagalongs are awesome.

Brian said...

Jimmy T., it's all good. I'm a hired gun. I'm a trade deadline rental. I'm just here to help Mr. Kontos win the Cup...the Cup full o' Tagalongs!!!

Chris Kontos said...

James... he means nothing to me! I picked him up for Radek Bonk and a 7th round conditional pick.